It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
