I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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