Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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