He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
