so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
