I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It was confusing and full of hummus
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
