If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
