Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
