No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
