yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
