So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
