The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
