the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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