I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
