I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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