does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize