I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
