I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
