take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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