Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
