Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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