My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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