hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize