So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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