Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
