SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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