nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
