I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
