Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
