why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's official drugs can't kill me
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
