Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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