do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
