The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
