He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
