My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
