I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
