God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
