I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
