i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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