Pants 0. Shit 1.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
