saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
