I wanna passion pit in your ass
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
