Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize