just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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