I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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