There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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