Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You have to summon your inner elephant
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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