I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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