No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
