my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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