hell yes lets make some ravioli
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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