the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
