If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
