Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
