You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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