that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
