I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
two words: eviction party
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
