I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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