I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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