It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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