what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
