I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
