the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
