mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
