bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
