hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
