Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
