Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
